My advice is, taking your position at square one, first declare yourself to be an “Ignostic god-seeker” a term “built upon ignorance” – an erudite, educated ignorance unscrambled and unpacked more fully further along in this page. An ignostic is here defined as one who not so much admits as avows and professes up front to being ignorant or uninformed and unknowledgeable of what is meant by god and what is being referred to in god talk. Ignosticism, a solid if provisional conviction entails an active pursuit of understanding – like venturing to read this site thus far in the first place. Ignosticism also serves as a philosophical way-station meant to provide a stepping-stone on the route to growth whether leading to convictions or toward denials. An ignostic requires clarification of how the term “god” is to be defined. An ignostic is not an “agnostic” who takes a leap of faith, rather than a leap of uncertainty (that’s the leap taken by the ignostic! ), and asserts that god (however defined) can never be known.
As an ignostic it is therefore also necessary, even required, to go shopping, do the research. Visit the room. There are schools of philosophy and history, metaphysical speculations and great theories of knowledge arranged among the furniture. For a Jew, seeking out the right synagogue and a compatible rabbi may be the best way to begin to become familiar with the contents of all the rooms including the God-room of the Jewish Mansion.
There is in Judaism spirituality, but there is more to Judaism than spirituality. Remember always, the question “Does god exist?” is not as significant as questions such as “How shall I think about god?” “How shall I prepare myself for a visit to the God-room?” “How long the visit?” “What baggage do I carry in and out?” “What intellectual preconceptions do I leave behind?” “How do I carry what I acquire there elsewhere?” “How can the room and its content enhance my life?” These are the kinds of questions an ignostic god-seeker asks. Further along we will attempt to identify the most critically relevant distinctions among the ignostic, the agnostic, the theist and the atheist.